We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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