hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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