Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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