I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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