He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
