you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
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you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
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I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
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