It was confusing and full of hummus
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
