Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
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I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
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we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
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