I can feel you judging me through the phone.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
