Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Randomize
