so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
