after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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