I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
