Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Shame - the story of my life.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
