I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
