So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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