oh god the rape fog is back!
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
