His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
