For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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