I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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