who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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