I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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