the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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