This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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