she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize
