I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I skipped work to stalk him.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
