i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Randomize
