Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Panties = found
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