My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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