she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
