i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
