also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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