apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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