forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
