Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
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