Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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