alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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