that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
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The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
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You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
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