I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
