phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
