I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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