She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
