the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
