i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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