so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Randomize
