My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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