Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
