You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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