What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
