So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
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IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
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Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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