Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
