I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Your face is a jimmy john
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
