goodnight i made you a song goodbye
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
