i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
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DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
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She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
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