If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
