i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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