We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
