New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
