we have officially lost it.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
