please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
