The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Everything about him screamed your future.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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