I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
