is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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