It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
