I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Of course I have a pirate flag
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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