I love having hate sex.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
