my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
