I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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