Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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