I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
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whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
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I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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