I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
