In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He? As in you personified your dick?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
