cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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