Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I could fuck to npr.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
