She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
