The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
pray to the hookup gods
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
