I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
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