I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
