i may or may not be watching the land before time
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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